Wednesday, February 27, 2013

But I'm Not Supposed To Be Single!


The most annoying kind of friend is the one that almost all of us have....the one that can't be single.

Boyfriend breaks up with them.
They cry to you for two weeks.
They instagram, facebook & tweet how strong they are? How they can "make it thru this hard time"??
All the while leaving all their friends on their social media sites thinking "What the fuh is this bitch talking about?"
But when they are with you they aren't "strong" and they don't "got this"
They then go out and think every boy they meet is "Like, SO amazing!"
They then put out or over text said boy.
Boy ignores them.
They complain and rant on to you..."Why isn't he texting me back?" "Do you think he likes me?"
"Did I do something wrong?" "This is so my luck"
Then they cry again to you because nothing is working out for them in the love department.

And what do we need to say when this happens....

F*CK. YOU.

I am so sick of friends like this. If you want to be THAT type of friend, be that THAT type of friend to a friend of yours in a RELATIONSHIP. I can't fathom why people like this choose to go to their single friends, (single friends who have been single for years) and expect us to throw them a pity party because they haven't had a boy to cuddle & go to the movies with for TWO WEEKS!? Two. Weeks. We have been eating peanut butter out of the jar, while watching Real Housewives, ALONE for the past two years. Why is it SOOOOO imperative that YOU need to be in a relationship all the time? But not everyone else? You crazy, that's why.

Soooooooo....

When you are acting like this, say your relationship history out loud to yourself and if it goes something like this...

"Um, 2003-2006 I dated _____, 2007-2009 I date________, 2010-2013 I dated ______."

YOU.ARE.CRAZY.

You deserve to be single. No boy is ever going to stay with you. Being dependant upon a relationship is what's leading you to having so many failed relationships.

The best quote to finish this up is one I heard from a friend last week...

"If you can't be completely happy single, you'll never be completely happy in a relationship."

Good luck, crazies & may the odds be evahhh in your favor.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

You can't be skinny.

I've blogged this over and over, but feel the need to say it again: To the people who post things/pictures about skinny girls and say "This is not 'sexy', Marilyn Monroe wasn't bone thin and she was beautiful." Or say things like "Curves are sexy, people...not bones." Guess what?...

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING SKINNY.

What is the deal with people wanting to do away with tiny framed girls? How does it make sense that EVERYONE is supposed to look the same-slash-have curves? Some girls are naturally thin, NATURALLY.THIN. Some girls work out, some WANT to be skinny & some don't want to look like Kim Kardashian.

Tell me why it's always a "CURVEY" person arguing this issue? You don't see bone thin girls trying to prove why it's okay to be skinny. But heavier girls feel the need to let you know (repeatedly) that it's ok, cause "Kim & Khloe, Marilyn (blah blah blah) are super curvey, and they're sexy!") It's just as annoying as it would be to see a girl putting a picture of Hilary Duff (circa 2007), up and saying "This is how a woman should look."

Some people try and gain weight, and can't. Just as some try and LOSE weight, and can't. I know that Kim Kardashian is the poster girl for curves & cheese, and that's great, but why does it matter what you prefer you're body to look like? The skinny girls are never agruing that skinny is the way to go. It's always the heavier ones who feel they need to prove a point that it's okay to be the weight they are.

Telling a girl "You're too skinny" is the EXACT same thing as telling a girl "You're too fat", I'm sorry, but it is. You don't know what each individual person's body issues are. You can't assume, "Oh, she must be happy with her body, she's a size 2, she doesn't have a gut, or back fat. I should tell her she's too thin." I don't understand why fat people get a pass with this? I have many, MANY friends who hate that they don't have curves, hate that they are flat chested, hate that they have no ass, and HATE when people tell them "Honey, you're too skinny." But it's okay to tell someone they are too thin, why? Because being thin is more socially acceptable?

So..in conclusion my loud mouth, protesting, curvey girls, if you have to keep putting down the Calista Flockhart community, in order to prove that it's ok to have extra padding, I wish you no luck in beating your In-N-Out for breakfast habit.

S

Monday, January 16, 2012

Just sayin..

If you're going to bite off more than you can CHEW, at least keep your mouth shut.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to ignore everyone for a whole week.

He who complains the most about wanting to be in a relationship, is having casual sex with the most people.

Remember, only children can get away with making empty threats. #IMRUNNINGAWAYMOMMY

Don't make decisions when you're mad.

Never trust someone who always has a new best friend/new group of friends.

Learn from your mistakes. Don't repeat them and expect people to feel sorry for you.

Wouldn't it be nice if you could click "HIDE this person" (in real life) like you can on Facebook.

To those wanting to follow in Peter Pan's footsteps: Weho isn't Neverland.

Repeating something that YOU think is funny, over and over and over and over, isn't funny to anyone else.

Fake people always complain about how "fake" everyone is.

Don't put the rope around your neck and ask everyone else "Wait, what's going on!?"

I've said it before, I'll say it again: AMAZEBALLS is the stupidest, most unfunny, makes no sense word I have ever heard.

Gays aren't known for being in relationships. Lesbians are.

Interested in a boy your friend has dated? You a hoe.

Life is too short to settle.

Unfollow Perez Hilton on Twitter. SO peaceful.

Never let a boy break up with you. YOU break up with him.

Maintaining several life long friendships speaks volumes about the person you are.

You're not better than someone because you tell yourself that you are.

Lauren Conrad can do anything.

Is it just me or is it always the same people who say "New exciting things coming up!" Year after year after year? WHERE ARE THESE "EXCITING" NEW THINGS, people!? How bout you don't say it til the week of, k?

No one who is actually famous, refers to themself as famous.

The Kardashians officially OWN reality TV.

If you have to act like you're SUPER happy online, you're usually not.

Why is it always the super judgemental people who's world always falls apart?

I'm voting for Mitt Romney.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Quote of the Day

"I promise that you gon' want me back, when your world falls apart... like shattered glass."

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Mas

An evil heart always shines through.

Is it a rule that if you are gay with a ripped body, you HAVE to be a Gogo Dancer or model for local photographers for no reason in your underwear?

Don't ABUSE the words "I'm sorry"

Demi Lovato's "Cutter Comeback" happened suspiciously quick. *cough*publicitystunt*cough - Cutter? Cut the bo' shit.

KNOW when you're being annoying.

One of the best things in the world is seeing proof of making the right decision.

"Letting go" and "giving up" are two different things.

The only people who should be completely dependant upon others, is children. Not grown ups.

Don't always rely on karma - she does her best...but what goes around, doesn't ALWAYS come around. Sometimes you have to help.

Don't challenge Satan unless you're Jesus.

Give thanks to the idiots in your life - they help you the most.

Treat others the way you'd want them to treat your little brother or sister.

Treat evil people the way you'd want Charles Manson to treat them.

If you're confident in what you believe in, BELIEVE in it. Don't feel you always have to prove why you're right.

If there's no tape and no pictures...no one can prove you're not a virgin. I am.

You'll never be someones idol, if you just dress up and act like yours.

When every friendship you have, has problems, it's you. Don't ask why the bridge is on fire, when you're the one running from it and holding the matches.

Never let a boy know you know you're turning him on.

After 25...when your standards (lookswise) start to go down...FIGHT them! Fight hard.

You don't need to be a detective to get a clue.

I don't understand when the DUI calls the License 'drunk'

People can only take from you, what you let them take from you.

Good things can't come until you let bad things go.

People don't make you popular, you make yourself popular.

Listen.

Friday, September 30, 2011

I'm just sayin..

If you have something negtive to say about someone, you don't HAVE to say it to their "face", unless you actually care about them.

I've probably said this before, but... liking music from the 60's and having a very loud opinion about art and the world, DOESN'T make you "SOO unique" and an
"individual", any more than liking Britney Spears and LIVING for 'The Bachelor' does.

You can make yourself believe anything you want to. Have you ever heard of Brandon Hilton? No? You haven't? Well...He's "beautiful", "successfull", and "wildly popular."

Not everyone wants to pay attention to the problems in this world...and that's okay.

EVERYONE has said a racist'ish thing before. Don't deny this.

Don't be upset when people talk shit about you, if you talk shit about people. End of story.

If life is better to you when you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, you need to make some REAL friends.

You CAN be religious when you're gay. You can also be a Republican.

Don't document yourself being concieted. You'll look back after some time and realize how embarrassing and full of shit you were.

If you have just gotten out of a bad break up....DELETE DELETE DELETE. Delete from your phone. Delete from your Facebook. Delete from your life. You'll never get over it if you do not begin with that.

Don't give a boy sex and then be mad when he doesn't want to get to know you. Your fault.

After 2009 Only fat people are allowed to do kissy face photos and get away with it. Ugh..so cute.

Pre 2004 - working at Hollister or Abercrombie, meant you were attractive. 2005 and beyond, means your hispanic. #noracism #justsayin #isitjustme? #yaseenthat?

Don't share secrets with people who don't share secrets with you.

Sometimes the people you like the least, are the ones you get along with the best.

Don't act as though your education makes you better than someone, unless you are actually using it. "Hi, may I start you a dressing room With my hundred thousand dollar degree?"

Fresh out of the closet gays are like "new" vampires, they're fuckin stupid and have no self control.

I miss when Zac Efron was pretty... Not handsome.

Sometimes it's best to stick to your 'goodbye's'.

Don't give people attention unless they give it back.

Tell it like it is, but with a cherry on top.

Gay people believe anyone that they want to be gay is actually gay.

Look 21. Act 25.

Thank you.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Thoughts, Opinions, Advice.

I've never understood the girls who hate on blonde, skinny, tan girls. You claim they're such bitches, talk so much shit and are so fake, but how is that proving you're not, when you are doing exactly what you think they are doing to you? You're the same. Only pale with dark hair.

It's so awkward seeing people start to crush on someone you know will never be interested in them. Trains about to crash. Ka-BOOM!

If someone only talks to you when they're drunk, they DON'T like you.

If you're going to unfollow me on Twitter, then you should delete me off Facebook. Don't understand recieveing FB posts from someone saying "Missing you so much, babe!" Then 2 days later, when you go to DM them something on Twitter, they ain't following you? Uhhh you were someone I followed out of obligation, and YOU unfollowed ME? #IsThis1997?

Quote someone when you steal a unique quote, that only THEY said. Espesh if they follow you on Twitter, and can see you trying to jock it as your own. #ComeOnNowBooBoo

Running away from your current life, doesn't guarentee you an AWESOME new one. You can tackle a problem or situation without having to hop on a plane.

As childish as it sounds, sometimes just deleting certain peoples numbers out of your phone can make you feel so great.

Talking about how you want, or are getting plastic surgery is officially played. Wanna be pretty? Then shut the fuck up and do what you need to do.

Being 21 when you're in your 30's is embarrassing, no matter how you spin it.

Be careful not to announce in writing on the internet, that you are "doing something", and then NOT. #ipittyWOO

If you can't be single for at least 6 months, after a break up, I fear for your late 20's. #whydoYOUneedTHEtitle? #CantYouJustDate?

STOP tweeting vague, attention seeking, desperate things. SPIT it out, or don't do it at all. OR at least have it make sense. No "dot dot dot"

I love your hair, but I thought I put that style in the trash, not the recycling.

Age doesn't determine where you should be, or what you should be doing.

EVERYONE is annoying to someone. When people constantly complain about how annoying "everyone" is, they need to stop, look in the mirror and say.. "I'm annoying, too."

A person isn't "better" than you, because they took the easy way out.

DON'T photoshop anything more than just a blemish off your face.

Campaigning for girls to be thick is just as annoying as campaigning for girls to be thin. BE. Whatever. YOU. Are.

Why does it matter what the next "Single" an artist releases, is? Uhh if the album is out, you really care enough about them releasing a specific song, all over a music video? #GARDEN #CLEAN #MAKEOVER #SHOP #FINDSOMETHINGBETTERTOCareAbout

Saying you choose to be gay, is the same as saying you choose to be straight. So we were all born A-Sexual and when 6th grade hit, we all had to hurry up and decide?
No. Officially done defending this. Shut the fuck up, or delete me from your life. For real.

It's funny how when you unfollow someone on Twitter, who constantly tries to convince you they are "famous", you never hear of them again. While you follow them, all you read is "Signing contracts!" "Headed to a signing" "Meeting with big network". Then you unfollow them, 6 months goes by and you never hear or see their name anywhere. Yeah... KQ...I'm talkin bout you, BooBoo. #IDGAD #IDGAF #youannoyin #provemewrong

Dont fight racism with racism.

Don't let people who are against gay marriage frustrate you. All gays shouldn't get so upset. Think about it.... in 2000 61.4% of California voted against it, while 38% were for it. In 2008 52.47% were against it, while 47.53% were for it. Think about where it will be in 2016? Let people continue to try and prevent the inevitable. Eventually there will be nothing they can do.

Don't let someone who doesn't exist in your life, affect you.

Don't tell your friends you can't do something, because you are broke. Then Tweet/Facebook "Check out my new shoes!" 2 days later. #ThatsWhyYouBroke #WeDontFeelBad

If you're going to be 2 faced: PULL IT OFF. Getting caught makes both your faces UGLY.

Sometimes the "REAL" you, is not what people want to get to know.

Don't ask me if this song is about you.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Most over asked question

Why don't you live in LA?

Answer: Because I.Don't.Want.To.

If I did, I would.

I honestly get asked this question twice a week, and find it such a weird question.

Los Angeles is great. Much to do. A lot of great people. Etc.

However, almost my entire family lives within 5 minutes of me, and honestly..I'd rather be around them, than any person in LA.

I live in Claremont, a city in LA County, 27 miles east.

Next: Why would I live in LA?

I know, I know... "If you live in LA, everyone in the world is jealous of you."

BUUUUUT

A. I'm not trying to be in the entertainment industry. I'm not an actor, a model, a singer, a personal assistant, a screen writer, and so forth and so forth.

B. I don't need to live 5 miles from the nightlife. I can drive 30 minutes if I need or want to be somewhere. Or go to the Mexican Club in Upland. (JP)

C. True, the boys out here aren't great, but name 5 successfull gay relationships in the LA area? Or 5 gay men who are interested in living the same lifestyle as your average straight couple, i.e.: a committed relationship, work and family. And yes, I'm aware.."We aren't straight! NOH8!". But face it, majority of straight people grow up, get jobs, get married, start a family and get divorced.(jks) Majority of us gays......dance til we're 40?

Not trying to bash, just a Gay Morm, speakin his mind. I actually believe that homosexuals can have traditional values. People have this weird mindset about us, that we're all the same. We're not.

D. I'm not phased by Hollywood (obviously, if you know me.) I don't dream of moving there, stars in my eyes and expecting my life to be like 90210 or The Hills, and then waking up 30 years old and still thinking I'm 21 and that people in South Dakota, wish they were me.

A handful of my best friends live in LA. I love LA. I love parties, I love Lindsay, I love shopping. I just wish people would understand why a person wouldn't want to live there. It takes a STRONG person to move to LA and not change for the worse. I mean....look what happened to Mischa. Imagine what could happen to a 'reality tv' has been? Danger.

P.S. Why don't you live in New York?

Love always, Your Big Sister,
Stephen

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

They're SO perfect, but...

Do you ever think you've met the PERFECT guy but there is just one thing about him you wish you could change? I feel like that is always the case for me.

It's always...

He's perfect for me...but:

He's proud of doing drugs.
His toe nails are too long.
He drinks too much.
He's a pot head.
He doesn't have a job.
He's 31 and lives with his parents.
He decides to send a naked picture before we even went on a date, and I did not like what I saw.
He goes out on Monday night?
He farts infront of me.
He doesn't have a drivers liscense.
He's had 14 boyfriends and is only 25.
He's allergic to cats or dogs.
He breathes really loud thru his nostrils when he eats.
He has too many lesbian friends.
He hangs with all the gays that hate me.
He smokes cigarrettes.
His legs and arms are covered in tattoos.
His fingers are too feminine.
He doesn't understand my sense of humor.
He thinks he is "straight" acting, when he is not.
He wears thong underwear.
He immediately takes his shirt off when he enters a club.
He thinks Twilight is "stupid"
He clings on to me like a barnacle on a whale's ass.
He called me "babe" or "baby" before he knew I spelled my name with a 'PH' instead of a 'V'.
He cries more than he laughs.
He only talks about Lady Gaga.
He says "gurrrrl"
He says "FML" 5 times a day. Shut the fuck up with that phrase.
He has a skinny....

Yeah, I'm Chandler Bing.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Relationship & Dating DON'Ts

Don't ever let a boy make you get to the point where you deprive yourself of what matters most in life: Food.

Don't be afraid to let someone go, who wants to let you go.

Don't be afraid to be alone. Embrace it. Amazing things happen when you do what's best for you.

Don't tell your closest friends "We're doing really good." When you're miserable.


Don't drink your way thru a break up. Face it. Tackle it. Light it on fire. Then sip your vodka.

If you break up and get back together immediately and just put a band aid on your relationship and act as though everything is A-ok, you're doomed. Band-aids fall off.

Don't focus so much of your time on trying to find a relationship. You don't need one to survive.

Don't stress over every date you go on with someone and wonder if it's going to lead to more.

If someone breaks up with you and then wants you back when you start to move on... keep movin.

Don't feel you should be with someone just because you are a certain age.

Don't be afraid of waiting for Mr/Mrs Right. They exist.

Don't use someone because you can't be your own person.

Don't think you're life is over if your boyfriend or girlfriend leaves you (especially if you live with them or have been together years) It's excruciatingly painful, and so hard, and sometimes takes months to move past. But you will get over it. Being in that position before taught me so much, and I learned many things from it, and am SO thankful for that relationship and situation.

Don't forget you can TTYN a boy without giving an explanation.

Don't forget...most of these are repeated twice. Just kinda reworded.

S

Sunday, May 1, 2011

I quit The View

Does anyone else besides me ever notice the racism (Yes, I said it..RACISM) that spews from Whoopi Goldberg & Sherri Shepherd's mouths on The View? For SOOO long I have ignored it, but I'm done with that show. For months I have heard them say things like "You don't mess with a strong black woman" or "He doesn't understand that she is a confident black woman." What does "BLACK" have to do with it? There are confident, strong women in EVERY race! Regardless of the reputation each race has, throwing your skin color around sounds ignorant. If Barbara Walters said "That woman is a strong independant white woman" Whoopi and Sherri's heads would pop off! Why is it okay for them to constantly say things like "Black this" or "black that"? No one should be speaking that way about any race.

The thing that did it for me was this past Friday's episode, when they were recapping the Royal Wedding and Sherri Shepherd says...."We were like "Where are the black people?" It's like "Where's Waldo?" We found em, they had one little black child in the choir, but where's the black people at this wedding? (video pops on showing where several black people are sitting.) Oh there they are, they're all segregated, but they're in the front. So we have our Rosa Parks moment, I don't know why they put all the black people over here, but they're in the front of the wedding. I ain't complainin, cause they in the front."

Who goes to a wedding or event looking for a specific race? That's the most racist thing I've ever heard. I've never walked in somewhere and made sure that there are white people there, let alone that they have the best seat? Um...?

If it had been a white person complaining about this for 3 minutes, it would have been complained about EVERYWHERE. I do not understand why people like Sherri Shepherd and Whoopi Goldberg get away with this? No race has anything to prove anymore. This is 2011. The President of the United States is black, for goodness sakes. Most people have moved on, and chosen not to see skin color. I understand that some still have issues, but clearly the ratio is in favor of the fact that we are all equal.

SHERRI: You would NOT be okay with people asking you "Where are the white people at?" at your wedding, or saying "I'm just glad the white people are sitting in the front." Grow the fuck up. You sound racist, any which way you spin it. You shouldn't be thinking that way. No one should.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Advice: Part 4

Never admit that you're good looking.

Always pick a side when 2 of your friends are fighting, but repeat out loud to the one whos side you didn't take, "I'm not taking anyones side."

If you are so skinny, that it looks like your skin is sucking your bones, dont Twit pic or Facebook shirtless photos. Michael Jackson passed away, ain't nobody wanna see that.

Don't make your boyfriend your entire life and then be surprised when he dumps you and your friends want nothing to do with you.

Boys: Never admit that you wear make-up.

It doesn't count unless you hit the finish line.

Don't make your sexual orientation your whole life.

Facebook is not MySpace. No more dressing up, taking 50 pictures of yourself twice a week, and then uploading them.

Purposely ignoring someone in hopes that they think you are really busy and popular, makes you a loser. A big one.

If you're a club promoter and you send people invites to your event every week, and they never come, STOP sending them invites. Goodness. I'm NOT coming to the Tranny Show every Tuesday. "I work." - Vicki Gunvalson

Don't assume everyone eats sushi.

YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE YOUR NOH8 PHOTO. I'm sorry, but those photos make human beings look like dead Egyptians. I have one. I support gay marriage and blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong, I wish my eyes were that blue, my skin was that freckleless, and my arms were that muscular, but they're not. KNOW WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE. It's not hard. You have a camera on your phone and a mirror in your bathroom.

Don't complain that you can't meet a decent guy to date, whilst you are screwing anyone willing. You can't meet a decent guy, if you AREN'T a decent guy. THINK.

Don't listen to celebrities who tell you "You're dreams will come true! Never give up on your dreams." They say that because THEIR dreams came true. Thousands of peoples dream is to be like Lady Gaga, do we have room for 5,000 people like her? No. Live your life as though all your dreams are going to come true, but be smart, realistic and persistant. Dreams change.

If you get offended once a day, seek a therapist.

Don't rush down the altar with just anyone, because you're approacing 30. You'll end up alone and wishing you'd have waited for the right person.

Don't feel bad when straight people give you weird looks in public. Be happy that you make them feel scared and insecure. That's power.

Everyone is a hypocrit. Even me.

Don't pretend to be someone you're not when you first meet someone. Show your true colors. Save some time.

Don't expect people to feel bad for you when you have to suffer that consequences of your choices.

If you find Oprah really, really annoying...it's ok.
God, she's so annoying.

It's okay if no one "gets" you, as long as you do.

It's okay if you secretly wish your boyfriend was as hot as his brother.

It's only okay to still say "I was born this way.", if you are being sarcastic.

Don't judge a person by the way they look, judge them based on who they follow on Twitter. I'm serious...you can tell if someone is a slut, in the closet, a cheater, etc. Following Tiger Woods, Charlie Sheen and Tony Parker, means something.

Gays don't go to hell, they go to Tiger Heat.

Thank you.